Lesson Learned: It’s Okay To Ask For What You Want

I’m realizing that allowing myself to write a self-pitying blog post earlier this week, and then actually pushing the “publish” button, was a huge step for me.

For one thing, publishing my true experience and not censoring my less-than-polite cultural observations a few days ago sent me spinning into self-consciousness. Thoughts like, “What if everyone thinks I am a manic depressive spoiled brat?” and “What if I offend someone?” went racing through my head, and I found myself fighting the compulsion to make everything appear cheerful and polite on the outside in spite of my bad mood on the inside.

Secondly, it gave me the chance to really experience Allah’s bountiful generosity towards me, even down to the smallest details.

I spent the rest of that day and most of the next morning struggling with how to handle my cultural disconnect and lack of camaraderie in Sevilla, tiptoeing in circles around questions such as “What is the matter with me for being grumpy & disappointed in this moment when I ‘should’ be nothing but grateful to be here?” and “How much can I really ask for and how much should I just surrender to and try to learn from?” etc etc …

Then, a good 24 hours from my initial moment of bank teller humiliation, I finally let my heart break open to the bittersweet feeling of “always having to face life’s adventures alone” (that’s “my story” so to speak). No matter how amazing the adventure is, the experience of aloneness does sit like a stone in my heart.

In a moment of sobbing tears, I gave myself permission to ask Allah for exactly what I wanted: a travel buddy to roam around Spain with, someone with as much enthusiasm as myself for devouring every sight and experience possible while abroad, and someone I can be friends with long after this adventure has concluded, so I have someone to laugh and reminisce with.

Literally within a few hours of praying this prayer, I received an email from someone who had found my post on an expat message board. Allah Kareem! Her name is Amanda, she is just about the same age as me, and she is a Ph.D. candidate in history here to do research for her dissertation. I love history. Amanda loves travel. We’re going to have a lot to talk about!

We met for tapas that very evening in the historic Santa Cruz district of Sevilla, a neighborhood where the streets are so narrow that in some places you can reach out and touch the buildings on both sides of the street at once. After tapas, we went to see an amazing flamenco performance, and then walked through Santa Cruz some more until we arrived at the Cathedral, a truly unforgettable sight all lit up in the dark. Although I found the Cathedral drab and underwhelming in the afternoon sun, you can’t deny its creepy Gothic charm at night, replete with bats circling the belltower:

Today my prayers were answered further when Amanda not only joined me on a day trip to Córdoba, but she brought her Italian roommate Andrea, and the three of us hopped on a train and met up with Andrea’s friend Julia, also from Italy, who is currently on exchange in Córdoba. Julia was an amazing tour guide, and the four of us took a power walking tour of the historic quarter of the city, followed by more tapas and cold drinks in a side street near the Mezquita, a leisurely meal filled with multilingual storytelling and cross-cultural laughter – my perfect “Eat, Pray, Love” moment!

Travel review of Córdoba to follow soon, but the moral of today’s blog post is this: People, it’s okay to be honest about what you’re feeling, and even better to just come out and ask for what you want! Allah is the Most Generous, and you may be surprised by how He answers your prayers when you’re straightforward and clear about what you need.

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